Stress by the Buckets Full

Sometimes I feel like Satan is playing games with me, the worst part is... I KNOW HE IS! My job has been just a bucket of stress since the beginning. Since graduating I was told over and over their plans in hiring me as soon as possible. Days and months go by and I get the same story, finally I was told once January roles around they will be able to hire me on. January finally comes and goes and I am told that they are to open the position, but I have to apply! I have done the job for many years and now I have to apply? I do, I go up against some tough competition with nearly 40 applicants. They narrow it down to 3, me, another professional designer, and a designer and photographer who had traveled Japan. I gave them everything I had, and I was hired... FINALLY!

At the same time all of this was happening I found out that I was pregnant with my princess Jocelyn Joy. I had doctors appointments by the handfulls and could not take any sick leave because I was on my 90 day probation. LUCKILY I had worked there as a temporary staff for a year, so once it came around to having her I could go on FMLA. Things were looking up.

THIS January we receive notice the university has to have lots of layoffs, and of course I find out I am on the layoff list. I have been jerked around so many ways. I know that I just have to trust God, but the whole situation is just hard. I get hope because they told us if enough people take the retirement incentive that we will be able to stay. Three people have come off the layoff list, and we know several others who are to retire, so I had been convinced I was going to be able to stay. Yesterday I was told that now it does not matter how many retire, it is now up to the president and provost. I really feel like the rug was pulled out from under me once again.

The worst part of all of it is that we can no longer live in our tiny 1 bedroom apartment. The place is a disaster and the bigger Jocelyn gets the worse it get's. We HAVE to find another place, and thought we were going to be able to do so. Now I'm not so sure what is going to happen, how my family is going to be able to live. I trust you God, but boy this has been a hard ride.